When I moved to Ohio last year, I didn’t expect to become fascinated by death drives, desire, and demonology. There are several reasons for this trajectory—such as living in the Year of Our Lord 2025—but a primary force is my friend M.

M. rolls heavy. There’s not much small talk with him. Doesn’t matter who you are—interact with him for five minutes and you’ll be reckoning with Lacanian lack or, if there’s a shift in the light, perhaps Deleuzian notions of new inflows of creativity and intensity. He’s pushed my thinking into new terrain, and he’s with us tonight to pull hammers, snakes, money, and Samara from The Ring into the zone where desire and demons meet.

Here’s how tonight’s audio came to be: M. asked if I wanted to do a podcast, and I said no because podcasts are annoying and I don’t need more media in my life. He showed up with microphones anyway, and we recorded a conversation, after which I deleted myself and left his side of the discussion intact.

M’s thoughts on the horror of insatiable desire offer some strategies for dealing with the unruly self. It also sounds like an accurate diagnosis of the current American moment.

No matter how many lists I make, there’s something within me that will never be comfortable or understood—and this is how it should be. But here’s a list anyway:

1. Ghost Dubs - Chemical (18% slower)
   Damaged | Pressure, 2024 | Bandcamp
2. Pole - Berlin
   1 | Matador, 1998 | Bandcamp
3. MMMD - Egoismo
   Egoismo | Antifrost, 2019 | Bandcamp
4. Biosphere - Houses on the Hill
   Shenzhou | Touch, 2002 | Bandcamp
5. Basic Channel - Radiance I (31% slower)
   Basic Channel, 1994 | Boomkat
6. Heathered Pearls - Beach Shelter (Loscil Grind Remix)
   Loyal Reworks | Ghostly International, 2013 | Bandcamp
7. Keith - Flob Gob (Jukebox Mix)
   Pernod Parks Productions, 2025 | Bandcamp
8. Rod Modell - Forester Park
   Vibrasound: The Deepchord Years 1999-2004
9. Civilistjävel! - A2
   Järnnätter | Felt, 2022 | Bandcamp
10. Thomas Brinkmann - Maschine
    Totes Rennen | Supposé, 1998 | Bandcamp

Tonight’s episode opens with some heavyweight dub to introduce M., and when he finishes speaking, we’ll test the limits of repetition by listening to Thomas Brinkmann’s intensive loop of a vocal from Blixa Bargeld. And here’s a partial list of the audio files of M. if you’d like a roadmap:

• M Saturated Spew.m4a
• M Broken Hammer.m4a
• M Making a Clearing.m4a
• M Demon Mother Desire.m4a
• M You Want Your Mother to Feed You.m4a
• M Insatia

The request lines are open.

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